Saturday, August 20, 2011

The Car

Getting a new car is something I had wanted for a LONG time!  My husband and I purchased my 4 door family car on our 1st anniversary (almost 8 years ago).  Remember the list?? The *very naive* list of what had to be accomplished before we could start our family.  Purchasing vehicles that were "family friendly" was one of the first steps.  I had a T-Top Firebird (I loved that car!), but it was not suitable for car seats and strollers.
So, I traded it in for the 4 door family friendly car.  It wasn't really what I wanted, but it got great gas mileage, had lots of room, and just made sense.  Almost exactly a year later I found out I was pregnant.  Everything was working out just right.  I did not regret the car purchase one bit!

Well, if you have read this blog before, you all know how that turned out.  And 7 years later, the family friendly car was paid off.  (That was an awesome feeling!)  I planned on keeping the car for as long as it would possibly go.  No car payment=more money saved for IVF.  

Well, about 6 months after I made my last payment, I could tell the car was not going to make it much longer.  :(

Now, here is the kicker.  As soon as my car was paid off (it was running fine at the time) we borrowed money against it to pay off some *not so smart* credit card debt.  What would have taken 30 years if we kept making those payments would be gone in 2 years with the loan from the bank.  Seemed like an awesome idea......

And it was until the car decided to quit.  (As in transmission going out and fuel system biting the dust...more expensive to fix than the car was worth.)  And if you borrow money against something you cannot trade it or sell it.  Luckily my husband's truck would be paid off the next month.  So, I borrowed my husband's truck and my mom's car to get back and forth to work.  (I did not realize how much I took for granted having my own working vehicle!)

Luckily the bank let us trade the lean to my husband's newly paid off truck from my car so we could trade my car.  

Now to decide on what new vehicle I would get.  I had teased my husband that I WAS in fact getting a new Camaro Convertible. :)  Remember how much I loved my T-Top Firebird?!?  (If they came out with a new Firebird I would buy it TOMORROW!)  For many reasons that I will not mention here, we both decided that a G*M product would not be best for us.  

So, how about a Mustang??

A Red Mustang Convertible???

Why not!?!

I did get a lot of "how are kids going to fit in there?" comments.  (Because you know, that is kind of our goal and what we have been working on for over 5 years.)

But I decided I was not doing that anymore.

What is "that" you may ask??

"That" is making every decision based on fertility.  I do not regret any decision I've made or anything that we have given up trying so very hard to have a child.  But, I needed this!  My husband needed this, too!

Until I drove off the car lot in my new red mustang convertible I really did not realize how GREAT it would feel leaving that "family car" behind.  I didn't realize how much that car reminded me of my dream that still has not come true.  

My response to everyone who asked "what about kids?"  "A car seat will fit in the back seat of a mustang!"  Now, if/when we do get to live our dream of having children I have made sure that it will be possible (by getting an awesome deal on the mustang and only financing for a short time) to trade in the Mustang for a "family friendly" car if that is what we decide to do.
But for now, we are having a blast riding with the top down!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Please Pray...

For my Friend.  I met Lianna through blogging.  We read all of the same infertility blogs.  We began to form a closer friendship when it seemed like every other infertile that we read about was finally pregnant......but us.  She has offered me so much encouragement.  I am absolutely heart broken for her.  Please visit her blog here and offer her prayers.  Thanks!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Where Do We Fit?

I haven't totally forgotten about this blog.  My husband and I have been super busy with our recent move, purchase of a new car, and many out of town guests.  (A post on the new car coming soon.  Best. Decision. In. A. LONG. Time.)

And so the same question comes up again.......where do we fit in? 

Last night I went to a meeting at my church.  We have a new (wonderful) children's minister and she led an informative meeting.  I am pretty sure I have mentioned here before that I lead the preschool class on Wednesday nights.  Highlight of my week!  For real!  I don't know what I would do without those girls.  So, I went to the meeting hoping that there was some way I can help our churches ministry to children grow.  About half way through the meeting a few of the ladies said that they would not be able to teach a children's Sunday School class because they are teaching new adult classes.  I was all ears because we have not attended a Sunday school class yet, and I know what a blessing Sunday school classes can be.

One lady says she is going to be teaching a new young adult Sunday school class.  And she described it as college age up to about 25 or so.....":before they start having kids".  Then the next lady described the class she was going to be teaching as "the families in their 30s with young children."  I mean I totally get it.  If you want to grow the children's Sunday school program, you have to have a place where the parent's feel comfortable.  It is truly a great idea.

But, where do we fit in? 

I mean my husband and I are both over 30, and I don't want to be the oldest couple in a class with nothing but college kids.  But we don't have kids yet, and I don't know if a can handle being the only couple in our class without children.......which is how it would be. 

So, once again we just probably won't go. 

I really hate to be that way.  But for some reason I can handle being around the young children........but their parents is another story.  I enjoy the children and they truly make me forget that I have any worries.  But to listen to their parents tell cute stories when we don't have any to share, plan birthday parties that we won't be included in, set up play dates that we won't be attending for obvious reasons, discussions about child care centers that we don't have to worry about yet, or huge sales on children's clothes at Gymboree which is a place we never shop, I'm afraid I would lose it. 

I really hate to be this way.

Why does infertility affect so many areas of our lives?

It isn't just that I don't have a baby.  It is so much more.

So, where do we fit, or do we just not even try.