Thursday, April 28, 2011

A Very Trying Week...Part 2

What a 24 hours it dog kills 2 of my mom's cats, a tornado that did a lot of damage, my mom had to say good bye to her dog, and I had to say good bye to my dog.  Wow.  I really do not want another 24 hours like that.

So where I left off Tuesday night.....We sat in the closet for a while.  It is actually pretty comfortable.  We put some memory foam on the floor and had lots of pillows.  My mom read her book, and I played on my iphone.  (What would I do without my iphone?? ha!)  We decided to just hang out in there instead of doing the in and out.  There were many storms coming through one after another and when you want to keep your animals safe it can be challenging to try to do the in and out thing all night.  Luckily we did not lose power!  The police station let my husband know when we had the all clear for the night and he called and let me know. Hooray!  We did not have to sleep in the closet.  And, the storms were not near as bad as they thought they were going to be.  Another hooray! 

I got up Wednesday morning and headed to work after stopping by the pharmacy to see that they are still closed.  I was supposed to start a new pack of BC, but could not get it.  I really hope it does not start my PCOS symptoms again.  I talked to the hubby and we still did not have power at our place.  Everyone had left and they decide to close down until Monday!  Wow!  We may not have power until Monday.  Oh well.  At least mama does.  So he went to mama's house and buried S after the vet assistant brought her by.  I left work early because I was running a fever.  My boss agreed that I wasn't going to get better if I didn't rest.  That is definitely what I had planned.  The sky started looking rough again.  More storms, but thankfully they were just thunder storms.  I hurried home and packed a few more things in a bag and rushed to my mom's before the rain.  It didn't last long, thankfully.  My hubby finally got to take a hot-not cold-shower and we finally got to talk. 

We both feel the same way.  We decided we would ask mama if she would keep S and O for us forever.  E really needs other cat companions, and we can't trust P around S and O.  P is going to live with my MIL except when my husband gets breaks from work and she can come live with us.  (Which, he gets a 3 week break starting next Tuesday!  So she gets to come stay with us!  Then he works for 5 weeks and gets 6 weeks where she can come stay with us again!)  We had already planned our vacation where we can take her, and I am very excited!

I am going to miss having S and O stay with us sometimes, but mama was very happy to keep them forever for us.  They have already started being very loving and friendly to her.  It is like they know. 

So, we are all settled in watching TV and someone rings the doorbell.  It was the neighbor.  Another neighbor (who is not a responsible pet owner.  That is where we rescued S and O.) has a female outside cat that they stopped feeding.  She loves mama, so of course mama has been feeding her.  Their 10 year-old girl came to mama's house a few weeks ago and asked mama if she would start taking care of T because her mama said they can't any more.  So sad.  Of course mama said yes.  She is a good cat and never wants to come inside unless it is snowing!  ha.  She is so sweet!  Well, she had kittens.  Like I said they are not responsible pet owners and have never gotten her fixed.  This is her 4th litter of kittens and she may be 2 1/2.  She stopped feeding her last set of kittens she had and all 3 of them died.  So, when she showed up at mama's one day about 4 weeks ago super skinny, we figured she had the kittens some where and abandoned them. 

We watched her and tried to figure out where she was going but couldn't.  The 10 year-old looked every where for the possible kittens.  T was great, but no sign of kittens.  The neighbor who rang the door bell (I'll get back to that in a sec) was walking his dog a few weeks ago and stopped and asked mama if that cat was hers.  She explained the story (see above).  She told him that she plans on getting her fixed very soon.  He said that if she couldn't, he would.  Very sweet.  But mama explained that she had already talked to the vet about it.  He told mama that T eats at their house every day, too!  LOL!  And she is a little cat!

Okay, so he rings the door bell, and tells mama "You are the proud new owner of 2 kittens!"  Oh my.  Mama was so excited.  T had the kittens over 4 weeks ago and we haven't seen them.  We thought they had died.  The neighbor explained that T had brought them into his garage after the storms.  That is right.  The poor kitties were outside some where during the bad storms.  He told mama that she was welcome to come get them or they could stay in his garage.  Of course we went and got them!  LOL!  Mama is NOT going to keep them, and they ARE NOT coming in the house.  T loves being in mama's garage, and we made a bed for she and the babies.  They are SO clean and very healthy.  T has done a GREAT job taking care of them. 

What an awesome distraction for mama.  We will probably only have them for about 2 weeks before they are big enough to go to their new homes.  This is the perfect 2 weeks for that. 

Last night mama, the hubby, and I had a nice relaxing night at mama's house.  Our church is still without electricity, so church was cancelled last night.  I feel much better today!  And the pharmacy is open!  They still don't have power, but they got a generator. 

Wow.  Is it really only Thursday?

A Very Trying Week...

I really don't even know where to start.  I don't want to make this an unbelievably long post, but I think I will feel better if I can just get it all out.

Warning:  If you are not an animal lover, then you might not want to read this post.  You will more than likely find it pretty ridiculous.

On Monday, I really did not feel well.  (It is that time of year for me!)  I left work a little early to go to the doctor.  I got through at the doctor's office about 3:30 and called my mom to let her know that it was just another sinus/ear infection.  She was hysterical.  This is not normal for my mother.  She told me that my dog (P)and her dog (M) had killed one of her cats.  Remember me mentioning that P had hurt a stray cat that mama had inside at her house?  Well apparently she and M decided that this was fun and not only hurt, but killed one of my mom's cats.  Horrible.
My mom's cats are her family.  My dad was not a cat fan, so we never got to have one.  3 months after my dad passed away, my mom brought home 3 cats who needed homes.  She also has a 13 year-old dog (H) and a 2 year-old dog (M).  Well, we cannot have P living with us full time because of my husband's job (long story).  So, my husband and I rescued 2 tiny baby kittens a year and a half ago, and we were going to keep one and find one a home, but could not find a suitable home so we ended up with 2.  We thought we could keep them because they never left our apartment, but it turns out no.  My mom insisted that we let her keep them for us for now and that they could come visit when P came to visit us.  Remember my mom only lives 7 miles from us, so we could see them daily. 
So here is a run down:  My mom has her dogs, M and H, and my dog P living with her.  (3)  She also has her 3 cats, S, S, and E.  She has our 2 cats O and S.  And the stray, A.  (6)  6+3=9.  Nine animals may seem like a little much to some, but it made my mom very happy.  She had decided to try and find a home for a few of her babies because she realized it was a little much, but hadn't yet.
Now back to Monday.  No one was home.  We really don't know what happened and never will.  H was in a crate because she is old and has accidents.  Stray cat A was in a crate because she is still hurt.  But P, M, S, S, E, O, and S were all in the house.  P and M were covered in scratches and blood, so it was obvious that they had killed S. 
I leave my prescription at the pharmacy and rush to my moms.  She had already called my husband and asked him to come bury S.  Right before he got there she found the other S and she was badly hurt.  Oh my goodness.  It was horrible.  My mom and husband rushed her to the vet.  I looked frantically for S and O.  E was walking around meowing.  She was fine, but we were afraid they had hurt S and O.  My husband left my mom at the vet and came home to help me look for S and O.  After about an hour my husband found O in my moms closet (the door was closed.  I guess he closed it behind him?) on top of her dresser in the leg of a pair of her pants. 
I picked mama up from the vet.  The vet said he hoped S was going to be okay but it was touch and go.  Big storms were brewing.  Mama helped us look for S.  Mama's house looked like a crime scene.  It was scary!  At about 6:30 p.m. we finally found our S.  Thank goodness she was fine.  My husband buried my mom's S while I took the dogs to our apartment and bathed and mediacted them.  I called my MIL and they would take P for me and my SIL would take M.  The vet said that P and M could never be trusted around cats again.  Once they kill, they can never be trusted again.  
My heart was broken!  It was broken for my mom.  MY dog had done this.  She is an awesome dog who never does ANYTHING wrong.  She is 6 1/2 and had never hurt a cat until the stray A.  What happened???  
I cried.  My mom cried.  My husband cried.  Not only did my mom lose a cat, but she had to say good bye to her dog.  She loved M!  And S was at the vet and we weren't sure if she would make it. 
While I was bathing P and M my husband called and said that there was a big storm coming and he had to get back to work.  (He is responsible for 80+ people and he had to make sure they were safe during the storm).  P and M were all cuddled in my bathroom, and I called my MIL to let her know we were not going to be able to bring P and M the 1.5 hours to their house that night because of the storms.  That I would take off work on Tuesday and bring them.  They stayed at our apartment where there are no cats Monday night.
I walked out the door to go to my moms house when the tornado sirens started going off. 
I went in our bathroom with P and M and sat on the floor with them.  My husband called me on my phone and told me that he had talked to the police station and they had sounded the sirens early.  My town has had quite a few bad tornadoes, so they sound the sirens often to make sure everyone stays safe.  I am okay with that!
So I jump in my car and drive quickly to my mom's house just in case.  I really didn't want her to be alone.  As soon as I pull up, the sirens start going off again.  We head to the safe room with H and E, S, and O join us.  A was safe in the bathroom.  (She doesn't get along very well with others, obviously.) 
A tornado did touch down in our town.  It hit a mile north of my mom's neighborhood and a mile south of my mom's neighborhood.  We lost power, but luckily there was no damage to mama's house.  My husband called and told me NOT to try to come home that there were lines down and trees every where.  So, I stayed at my mom's house in the dark.  Where my husband and I live was hit hard!  There is not a tree or power line left! 
We got power back around 6 a.m.  (We found out because we left the bedroom light on, and it came on when we got power back!  Ha.)  We got up around 8 a.m.  We checked the weather and we had until 3 p.m. before round 2 of the storms came.  Yes, you heard that right......round 2.  Mama got ready and we headed to my place.  This was not an easy trip.  We dodged power lines and trees the whole way.  The town looked awful.  But luckily no one was killed!  We picked up P and M and headed to my SIL's. 
The vet called and said that S was not doing well and he was worried about her.  He said that they did not have power, so they were closed but he would check on her regularly and let mama know if there was any change.
We made it to my SIL's.  My mom was very upset to let M go, but she knew she could not trust her any more.  My SIL has a dog the same breed around the same age who really needed a friend, so it worked out great......but was still very sad!
Then to my MIL to leave my baby.  I was so sad.  Still very mad at her for what she had done, but very sad.  At this point, I hadn't even gotten to talk to my husband about what our dog had done.  He loved those cats, too, and was so mad about the whole situation.
P is our baby.  We got her right after our 1 year anniversary.  We love her like she is our first child.  She has been there for both of us through all of our infertility journey.  I love S and O.  We got them when they were babies a little over a year ago.  They have lived with my mom more than they have lived with us, but some how they know we are their mom and dad and are very attached to us.  S loves my husband and O is my baby.  What were we going to do??  I felt like we had to choose.  We had to choose whether we wanted P or S and O.  Oh my.  A parent should never have to choose, but I was not going to put S and O in danger.  P is not aggressive.  She has never bitten a person, never even growled at a person.  She is actually pretty timid.  I know.  It doesn't make sense.  But all animals have instincts.  We can't be mad at her for being an animal. 
I left P in tears with my mother-in-law.  I totally trust her, but I won't get to see P every day.....unless I drive a 3 hour round trip daily......and believe me, I have thought about it, but that might be a little ridiculous.  ha.  
Well, we made it home by 3.  Remember where I was when this all the pharmacy waiting on my medicine.....that I never got.  I am feeling pretty horrible by this point.  Not just emotionally drained, but I was running a fever and just feeling crummy.  So we go by the pharmacy to pick up my is closed because of no electricity.  I call my doctors office and the pharmacy close to them is OPEN!  Hooray!  So I am just praying that the pharmacy hadn't filled my meds the day before, because then my insurance would not pay for it 2 days in a row even though I didn't actually have the first prescription in hand.  Luckily they had not!  Another hooray!  So, I get my medicine, take my husband his charged cell phone.....remember we still don't have electricity at our place.  I charged it at my mom's.  And we are running trying to get back to my mom's by the time round 2 starts.  I hated to leave my husband, but he is so busy during storms I wouldn't get to see him any way.......and I am NOT good at roughing it and my mom's electricity sounded a lot better than none.  So I pack a bag and we race back to my mom's house in time to catch all 3 cats and 1 dog and head to the closet.  Whew! 
While in the closet, the vet calls and says S died.  I was heart broken all over again, just like my mom.  Oh.  I feel so bad for her!  I can't imagine.  The vet was trying to get home before the storms, so he said he would bring S by the next day so we could bury her.  My mom went from 5 pets to 2 in 2 days.  I can't imagine!
More coming soon, but I am tired.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Music Monday-My Savior My God

Today was just kind of an off day.  Not necessarily a bad day, but nothing seemed to go right.  I was not going to post tonight.  Well, mainly because I just didn't really have much to say......then I am listening to Pandora radio and this song comes on.  It is perfect for today.  It lifted my spirits, and I hope it lifts yours.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Mothers's Day

I made a decision.

I made a decision that this Mother's Day is not going to be about me.  It is not going to be about what I don't have.  It isn't going to be about the baby that I have in heaven and not here with me.  It is not going to be sad.  

I made a decision that I am going to be very happy with what I do have.......a mom who is here on earth with me.  A mom who is my best friend.  This Mother's Day is going to be all about her.  About a mom who would and always has given me the world.  A mom who has taught me SO much.  A mom who lives 7 miles from me now, and I still talk to her on the phone no less than 10 times a day.  ha.  A mom that I am NOT going to take for granted. 

Mother's Day is little less than a month away.  It has been hard for me every year for the past 5 years.  Believe it or not, before I found the blog world I thought no one else felt sorry for themselves on Mother's Day.  I really felt guilty that I was sad.  I never told anyone that Mother's Day was a sad day for me.  It was wonderful to learn that there were other people in this world who dreaded Mother's Day right along with me!  

But there will be no sadness this year.  I already have the Mother's Day gift picked out for my mom.  I am going to go to church with her that day.  I'm going to let her pick where she wants to eat lunch, and I am going to enjoy every minute with her!  We might even go shopping!  It is what we do best as my nephew says, "All you guys ever do is eat, shop, and, shop, and talk!"

I really am blessed that I have a mom that I get along with so well.  I am really blessed that she is in such good health.  I am blessed that we enjoy so many of the same things.  I am blessed that my friends love her almost as much as I do and she is always invited to everything we do!  

I am really blessed that my BFF who is moving to Oregon (not sure how I am going to do with that) asked my mom to ride the 2 and a half days it will take her to drive to Oregon with her and stay for a few days with their family and then they are going to fly her back.  I'm pretty blessed that her kiddos call my mom grandma and don't know that she isn't "really" their grandma. 

I'm pretty blessed that my BFF whose mom was very sick for a very long time and passed away almost 10 years ago tells me all the time how glad she is that I appreciate my mom and don't mind sharing her sometimes.  My BFF always invites my mom on our outings because she enjoys spending time with both of us. 

I am blessed that my mom who is already a grandma  to 3 can't wait to be a grandma to my future child/children.  And even if that doesn't happen anytime soon, I am going to enjoy every minute with her.

I made a decision, and I am going to really appreciate my mom this year.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Infertility Resume Continued

Okay, so I think I am ready to do this.  

We are going to work on the rest of 2006.  I miscarried on February 1, 2006.

I went to see my OB on August 18, 2006, because I had had a period every 14 days for 2 months.  Yes, ugh.  He ordered lots of blood work (something I have gotten VERY used to!  His lab tech and I had a great friendship!  ha!)   I had to go back 2 or 3 times that month for blood work, and on 8-28-06 he performed an endometrial biopsy to see if I was ovulating.  

Got the results on 9-5-06 that I was in fact not ovulating.  He asked if I wanted him to try a few things he could try in his office, or did I want to go to the RE.  Of course I wanted to go to him.  We already had a great relationship.  His wife was my boss and his office was across the street from where I work.  What a blessing!  
I was so clueless.  My husband wasn't even at that appointment with me.  He wasn't at the endometrial biopsy either.  Like I said, I was clueless.  I was naive.  I REALLY though my OB could fix me with a few pills.  "There isn't something really wrong with me."
No diagnosis yet.
Went home and told my husband that I wasn't ovulating and that we had 2 choices........Go to RE or let OB do what he can.  We both agreed to let OB do what he could.
Started 50mg of clomid 10-4-06.
Hot flashes like crazy.  No one but my husband and I knew that I was taking the pills.  My dad was so sick that I did not want to give my mom one more thing to worry about.  And we couldn't tell my husband's parents with out telling mine.  So we told no one.  
Got my first negative pregnancy test on 11-6-06.  Still hadn't started my period on 11-18-06.  Started progesterone to start my period.  
Took 100 mgs of clomid starting on 12-3-06.  I only thought I had hot flashes before.  I had lots of blood work this month.  I really learned about cycle days and which day what happens.  ha.  (After all of this, I feel like I could be an OB.  Okay, not really, but you know what I mean!)  
I started my period very early and started my next round of clomid 150 mg on 12-19-06.  
First time my husband went to the OB with me was for my 2nd ever vaginal ultrasound on 12-27-06.  I remember this day like it was yesterday.  12-24-06 my husband and I were at my parent's house.  It was the last  time I talked to my dad and he was very alert and knew who I was.  He was looking SO forward to that Christmas.  My husband and I left that night and spent the night at our house which was half way between my parents and his parents.  One 12-25-06 my mom called and my dad had gone into the hospital in the middle of the night because hospice could not handle his pain at home.  He was fine when I left.  She encouraged us to go have Christmas with my husband's family.  We did.  Then my husband's parent's and my husband and I drove 5 hours the next day to go see my dad.  My husband's parents spent the day at my mom's house working on things that needed to be fixed.  I told you they are awesome!  My mom knew I had an appointment with my OB, but she didn't know why.  She just knew I was having periods more frequently than I should and he was going to fix me.  I went by the hospital to see my dad knowing it might be the last time I would see him, then we drove 3 hours to the OBs office for the ultrasound.  My body just doesn't like clomid.  I don't respond at all to it.  Just for you infertility gurus, my follicles were 2.07, 1.27, 1.24, and 1.42.  For you non fertility treatment gurus, they need to be between 15 and 20 to ovulate.  But I did not know that.  I was clueless.  I really thought I was going to get pregnant.  My husband and I drove the 3 hours back the next day and my sweet husband spent new years eve spending the night in the hospital with my dad so my mom could go home and get some sleep.
I had more blood work on 1-2-07 that confirmed that I didn't ovulate.  
This was my hardest week ever to be at work.  I knew my dad was 3 hours away dying.  My husband and I went back that weekend to see my dad and he passed away on 1-7-06.  I was supposed to have a pregnancy test that week at my OBs office.  I called and he said to send my husband to get a home pregnancy test.  So I did.  And it was negative.  The day of my dad's funeral.  My OB called to check on me.  Of course he knew the test was going to be negative, but he acted like he had hope.  Through everything I could tell he REALLY wanted us to get pregnant.  
Next came the referral to the horrid REs office.  I could really tell that my OB did not want to let go of my treatment, but he kept telling me that delivering babies was his specialty, not fertility.  And he really thought they could do more for me.
My referral was faxed to HRE (Horrid Reproductive Endocrinologist....That way I can keep up with the difference.....from now on they are HRE and new REs office is WRE, Wonderful Reproductive Endocrinologist.) on 2-5-07 after my follow-up appointment.  My OB had already let me know that 150 mgs of clomid is all he felt comfortable with.  
That day when I left his office was the first time I cried about my infertility.  I was actually starting to realize that something was wrong.  I still remember where I parked that day.  I remember walking to my car.  I called my husband and it scared him to death.  I don't cry very often.  We decided we were going to tell our parents.  I told my mom and it answered so many of her questions.  She is a pretty smart lady and knew something was up.  I think my husbands parents were pretty surprised.  We also told our bosses (well, mine already knew I was going to multiple appoints to see her husband, but his didn't).  We made sure they were okay with us missing a lot of work, and they were both great and still are!
I just want to type this out because I don't want to forget is really tough to sit in an OB office waiting to see him surrounded by a million pregnant women when you are there for infertility and you know everyone in there assumes you are pregnant.  Especially when you see someone you know.  Ugh.  One day that I had to wait a pretty long time, I guess my OB could tell I was a little stressed and he told me not to sit in that waiting room again.  He told me to call his nursing assistant (who I love) and tell her I was coming and they would let me in the back door and he would see me right then!  Talk about VIP treatment.  LOL!  He told me to never sit in his waiting room again.  No matter the reason I was there.  Maybe because this is what I was used to, I had an even harder time transitioning to my HREs office.   
Next time:  First visit at the HRE.
Whew.  I'm glad I typed that out, but it wasn't easy.  Please forgive me.  I'm not going to go back and read this post to proof read it.  I just can't tonight.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Music Monday-Praise You in This Storm

This is one of my favorite songs......well, I know I say that about every song, but for real.  This one is great.  I was, and still am, a little cautious about posting this song.  I know so many more people in this world who are going through MUCH greater storms than I am right now.  Right at this moment there are people hurting much worse than I am.  I am VERY grateful for the life God has blessed me with.
I had one of those days at work that really makes me thankful for my life.  My dad was a good dad.  No one is perfect, but he was a good dad.  My mom is the best mom.  For real, this statement is a whole post in itself. (coming soon) My sister is a great mom.  My in laws are the best EVER!  I secretly love it that my friends are all envious that I get along with my in laws so well.  ha.  I love my husband's WHOLE family like my own, and I think the feeling is mutual.  All 5,972 of them!  ha.  But really, his family is huge.  And they are all great!

  I have a great place to live, and get to move into an even better one this summer!  Yay!  I. Love. My. Job!  How many people in this world can really say that??  But really, even on really frustrating days like today, I love what I do.  Being on hold with the child abuse hotline while listening to Christmas lie (don't they know it is April?)......for 30 minutes today, I had some time to think.  I get to do my part to make sure that child is safe tonight.  As a child, I never had to worry if I was going to be safe that night.  And as an adult I don't have that worry either.  Which brings me to what an awesome husband I have! Another post in itself, but anyway, really.  He is great, and I have no doubt that God put us together for a reason.  Now, I am pretty sure that every marriage has its challenges (and I'm pretty sure you would be lying if you say yours doesn't), but I think we work through those challenges pretty well.  We've been through some pretty tough stuff over the last 7 years, but it only made us stronger.  He truly accepts me for me.  And I think he is pretty great! 

I had an awesome day yesterday with one of my very best friends.  We were instant friends at church camp when we were 12.  We have never lived in the same town, but we have never lost touch and remained the best of friends.  I am blessed with so many awesome friends!  Really though, I moved 6 years ago.  I have only made one new really good friend since I moved.  I have a few acquaintances, but only one new really good friend.......all the rest of them I've known since junior high, high school, or college.  And, I graduated college almost 10 years ago.  I tell my husband that my friends just set the bar high!  I don't need to make any new really good friends.  I am very happy with the ones I have!  I am very blessed that each one of my friends who is now a parent is a VERY good parent.  And I  am not just saying that.  I hope I can be as good of a parent as they are one day.  They all always put their children before themselves. 

My church has been a blessing.  I love my preschool girls and their families!  And, the best thing ever happened in June.  A preacher who happened to be at that same church camp where I met my best friend almost 20 years ago happened to become my preacher.  Coincidence, I think not.  Last June after we found out our last IUI didn't work, I go to church and it is announced that said preacher was going to be MY preacher.  I'm pretty sure God sent him here for me.  ha.  But really, he has been such a blessing in my life.  He helped mold me as an elementary student and a high school student......and now as an adult.  He has been here almost a year, and I haven't talked to him about my infertility yet.  I know, I know.  I am going to.  I'm almost there.  I'm almost ready.  I just know it is going to be hard.  We have such deep roots, and he has known me in almost every season of my life.  I know he will be a great support.  It's just hard. 

And I can't forget, I have the best dog ever.  She is wonderful!  She loves me no matter what.  She knows if I'm not feeling the best even if my husband doesn't.  (I can hide it pretty well, but not from her.)  I love it that when she wants to play she goes to her daddy, and that if she is hurt or sick she comes to me.  She needs me, and I need her!  I love it that being parents of a dog can really teach you what kind of parent you want to be to your children, and even maybe what your natural tendencies are......and maybe that you (ME!) might want to work on those a little.  Maybe there was an incident last week where a certain dog and a certain stray cat that was taken in maybe got in a fight and there was a lot of blood and the cat seemed VERY hurt and the dog was scratched up but actually okay.  Maybe this dog's mom was very mad at the dog and totally blamed her for everything that happened, and maybe that dog's daddy said there was no way in the world that his dog could do anything wrong and it had to be that cat's fault.  ha.  (In this case, it turns out the cat had one injury and the dog was hurt much worse.  In this case the dog's daddy might have been right.  Oh, and everyone is just fine now!)  I might need to work on always blaming my children, and my husband might need to realize that his children might do something wrong every once in a while!  LOL!

Maybe I don't have a baby, but I think I am a pretty lucky girl.  I am definitely counting my blessings tonight and thanking God for today.  Even though it was challenging, it opened my eyes.  

Thank you God for my blessings!  And I will praise you no matter what!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Music Monday-The Climb-WW Update

So, I totally forgot about Music Monday!  So, it is Music Wednesday this week.  The first time I heard this song, it brought me to tears.  I heard it on the radio and had no idea who sang it.  When I found out who sang it, it kind of shocked me, but I try not to think about that when I listen to the song.  I know this may seem absolutely ridiculous, but don't think about WHO is singing the song, don't think about the fact that she is only 14 or 15 and has no idea about climbing, just listen to the words and you will understand how much it applies to infertility.  I saw this song mentioned on a infertility blog I read right after it first came out, and it made me feel a little better that someone else felt the same way I do!  Ha!  So anyway, I hope you enjoy the song, and
I Lost 2 pounds this week!
Yeah, I don't really understand how, but I'm not complaining!


Monday, April 4, 2011

The Best Therapy

I did want to report that my weight stayed the same at my Weight watchers weigh in.  I don't know what is wrong with me.  I just don't have the motivation I did last time I started Weight Watchers.  I don't know where my motivation went or where/how to find it again.  

But anyway, one of the things I figured out pretty quick early in the infertility journey is that most of my friends and family in the same season of life as I am were having children.  Having children comes with certain responsibilities.  Most of my friends/family are not stay at home moms, so spending time with their children when they get off work is very important.  That meant no time for phone conversations, going out to last minute dinners, dropping by just to hang out, etc.  And I am not complaining.  I totally understand!  It just meant that I needed to find something to occupy my time.

I have always loved to be creative.  My mom has tons of my "art work" from when I was a child.  I use the word art work lightly!  Ha!  My dad was an artist/art teacher.  I LOVED spending time in his art room with him.  I got to do a little of everything:  paint, color, pottery, chalk, pastels, pencils, etc.  I can still remember the way that room smelled.  Anyway, being creative has always been a favorite of mine.

One of my VBF (very best friends) was pregnant. (Okay, I am about to share something with you that really sounds crazy.  It sounds even crazier as I type it, but it is the truth.  It is how I felt.)  I had/have a million and one ideas of my future child's nursery, clothes, etc.  I was saving all of my ideas for my future child.  Why, I don't know.  Well, maybe I do know.  I want my future kids to have the best.  I want to do my very best at what I am good at (decorating and clothing), because I know I am going to fail in many other areas of parenting.  I finally told myself that was crazy.  If God gave me a talent, I should use it.  So, I had the best time creating things for my BFFs children.  I got more and more requests for people to pay me to make some of my creations for them.  

During this time, my dad passes away and my mom moves to the town where I live.  She is retired and decides to take up sewing.  So, one night we were talking and decided to go into business together creating custom kids stuff.  She has her specialties and I have mine.  At the time, I really thought I mainly wanted to do it for her.  She really needed something to fill up her time.  We really get along wonderfully and are best friends.  We have had the best time creating things for people.  Some of the people we know, some we don't.  We travel to craft fairs together and have the best time!  We are both major people people, so talking to people and selling stuff is right up both of our allies.  

And really, it has been the best therapy.  When I am sitting at home at night by myself (my husband's job  pulls him away at night a lot) I make hair bows and tutus and paint letters for nurseries, and rhinestone and glitter everything I can get my hands on!  Ha!  It really makes me happy to make little girls happy by making cute stuff for them to wear!  My mom and I also get to spend more time together which is great.  And I look at it like I am getting more practice so surely I'll be even better at this by the time I have my own kiddos and they will be dressed the best and have the cutest stuff.  
I do have to admit that every once in a while it makes me a little sad that it isn't my kiddos that my mom and I are making this stuff for, but mostly I am just thankful that people want to buy what my mom and I make!  (And it helps pay for all of these fertility treatments!)  And, I also have to admit that sometimes when my mom makes something I have her make 2 so I can keep one for just in case.  Most of the time I sit in my living room with no TV on listening to K Love online while I create.  The.  Best.  Therapy.  Ever.
My mom and I have already decided that we are not going to make things anymore when I am a mom because we are going to spend every bit of our time creating for my kids.  I can't wait!


When first starting the TTC journey, I found my first infertility group on Myspace.  I know.  Myspace was the thing like 5 years ago.  Remember, this has been a long journey!  ha.
So anyway, I saw on a friend of a friend's page that she had joined a TTC group on Myspace.  Then she started her own group.  I never joined it, but I stalked it!  Ha!  This friend of a friend was the FIRST person I had ever known to have trouble TTC.  And, well, I didn't really know her.  I just knew of her.  Side note:  She has a precious 2 year-old girl now.  She mentioned a blog (which the only blog I had ever read before was Angie Smith's Blog  ) which was Kelly Stamp's Blog.  Kelly had just found out she was pregnant after a long battle with infertility.  Crazy side note:  one of my BFF's from high school dated Kelly's husband.  So I knew Scott very well back in the day.  Small world.
Anyway, I say all of that to say that the internet has been wonderful.  It let me know I was not alone.  I wanted to share a few of these blogs with you.  If you happen to be struggling, I want you to know you are not alone.

Lianna's blog is wonderful.  I found it from Kelly's blog.  You really should read it sometime.  She has been such an awesome encouragement to me!  We email sometimes, and I just know we would be great fast friends if we knew each other IRL!

Amy's blog is at the TOP of my have to read list.  She is a wonderful writer, and we have a lot in common.  So many times I have commented on her blog to tell her that she just wrote exactly what I was feeling.  She just has a way with words.  She always writes my feelings WAY better than I ever could.

Okay, so I promise I'm not going to go in great detail about every blogger on the list I am about to give you, but these 2 are a must!  (Along with Kelly and Angie!  So I guess these 4 are a must!!)

All of these ladies have encouraged me at one time or another. 

Still on the Trying to Conceive Journey
(I know there are more.  I feel like I am forgetting someone.  I will add them tomorrow if I remember.)

Life After Infertility


(Sarah was a HUGE encouragement for me in deciding to change fertility clinics.  She is awesome!!)

(Samantha is my only IRL friend that has a blog that I know for sure has been through infertility.  She posted pictures on Facebook [what would we do without Facebook] of the celebration day she, her husband, and her precious daughter Madi went to at their Fertility Clinic.  That is when I was thinking hard about changing clinics.  I googled the clinic and did some research.  I finally got up enough nerve to message Sam and ask her about the clinic and her experience.  We did decide to change clinics to the clinic she went to and are using the same doctor.  Best. Decisions. Ever.  (Changing clinics and talking to Sam!)  She has been a WONDERFUL support since that day.  We don't live in the same town anymore, but we do get to see each other sometimes.) 

I also wanted to share with you the blog that Kelly Stamps started years ago with everyone who had contacted her that wanted prayers through TTC.  She also has a list of single girls who are praying to find a Godly husband.  (She got married later in life and was single for a while.)  She has a HUGE heart for families who are TTC.  I pray for the girls on this list a lot.  I can't wait to be able to email her one day with a praise so she can take my name off of the "Pray For" list and add me to the "Praise" list.   

I do love it that there are more families on the "Life After Infertility" list than on the "TTC" list.  It gives me hope.  I hope this was helpful.  I hope if you are TTC you know you are not alone!