Five Year-Old

Today was my due date.....five years ago.  It just seems impossible to me that I could have a 5 year-old today.  

I have to admit that my first thought when my OB's nurse told me my due date was "Really??? My poor kid's birthday is going to be the 5th anniversary of 9/11!"  Now, I would just like to have my child...whatever his/her birthday might be.

So every year on 9/11, not only do I think about that horrible attack on our country but I also think about my baby that I never met.  

All of the first day of school pictures this year really hit home.  I just kept thinking that next year, that could have been me posting those pictures.

Oh how my life would be different having a 5 year-old.

I often wonder if I would have a 5 year-old boy or a 5 year-old girl?  I wonder if I would be going to soccer games or dance classes?  

And my poor husband.  His birthday is 9/18.  He was going to get a baby for his birthday.  He rarely says anything, but I know he thinks about it every year.

I am sad tonight.  For some reason, more so than most other years.  Maybe because 5 is a milestone, but honestly I'm not really sure.  I just am.

For I know the plan I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Jeremiah 28:11