"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
There have been many bible verses that have been an inspiration to me through this journey, but this one stands out the most right now. On February 28, my husband and I go back to our first appointment with our RE since he gave us the news. The news that he thinks IVF is our only chance at a successful pregnancy.
Ugh. That is definitely not what I wanted to hear at that appointment, but it could have been worse. MUCH WORSE. He could have said we have no hope. He really feels like we have very high chances with IVF. I have to admit I am still very worried that the IVF will not be successful for the same reasons none of the other treatments have been successful. The same problems we have had with treatments in the past can also affect IVF. I will definitely be asking my RE how he can guarantee that he will keep my uterine lining from being too thin with IVF. (That's not too much to ask, huh!?! Ha! Okay, so maybe this would be a good time to admit I can be some what demanding at times. :) ) I hope he has an answer. I don't really want to think about what if he doesn't.
I have already started my list. My list of questions I have for him. I am pretty sure this will probably be the longest appointment we have ever had. I want to know everything. I want to know what will happen day by day from the first day we start preparing my body until the day we find out if I am pregnant or not.
I think I will feel better about the idea of IVF if I know what to expect. I always do better if I know what to expect. I do not really enjoy surprises. Imagine that!?! Ha!
Now I get to brag on my RE. He is wonderful. He was truly an answer to prayer! (Thanks Sam!) Everyone in his office is wonderful. He is so approachable. He explains things where I can really understand. He explained everything I had had questions about for 4 years in one appointment. He is an expert at PCOS. He understand PCOS so much that sometimes when he talks about what is going on with my body I wonder if he has been there.....does he have PCOS??? Ha! Just kidding, but for real, he gets it.
He assures me every time I see him that this is not my fault. He knows I need to hear that. He is the first doctor to take the time to make sure I know that. He assures me that there is nothing I have done that made this happen to my body. He lays everything out for me. He tells me exactly what he expects. I need that. I need a list. A list that I can mark things off one by one. I feel some sense of accomplishment when that is possible. I feel like I am doing everything I can do. That is important to me!
So, I am some what dreading my appointment and some what looking forward to it. I am dreading it because it is going to make everything more real. I am looking forward to it because I am hoping to get all of my questions that are floating around in my head answered.
I have already completed my list that my RE gave me last time. Well, most of it. I found out that my husband's insurance has infertility coverage and IVF coverage. At first I wanted to be sad that we have been paying out of pocket all this time and it could have been covered under his insurance. But there is a catch.....isn't there always a catch with insurance. There is a 15,000 dollar life time limit. My RE quoted 11,000 to us for IVF. If we had known about my husband's coverage we would have exhausted the life time limit years ago and would not be able to afford IVF. Everything works out in HIS timing! My husbands insurance had open enrollment this year, so I was able to get on his insurance! #1=check!
I have gotten the x-ray from the dreaded hysterosalpingogram (HSG) from my last RE. I did not have a very good experience with my last HSG, so I am really hoping my new RE does not have to repeat it, but it has been almost 5 years since I had my last one. Everything came back normal, but I have my doubts. I lost most of my confidence in my last RE, and he is who performed the test. I am definitely going to tell my RE that whatever he thinks it best is what I will do. I trust him, and if he wants to repeat it I am all for it (even though I will dread it like no bodies business!!! Ha!) I don't want to go to all the trouble of IVF and it is not successful because of something that could have been avoided. #2=check!
The third thing on my list is lose 10 more pounds before IVF. I lost 40 before and during my last treatments. My diet has pretty much gone out the window, but I am going back to weight watchers next week. 15 days before my next appointment.....talk about procrastination! Ha! But he didn't say lose the 10 pounds before my next appointment.......he said lose 10 pounds before I start IVF........
My personal goal is to lose another 40 before I start IVF. I think I can do it! #3=will be accomplished before IVF!
I will end my rambling now. I will definitely report back after my appointment with the plan! I am ready for a plan.